Your ripped red dress falling on the
ground
and your victorious smile at my
weakness.
Did you think that you could escape
my hands, my looks my crumbling desire
at every dark and throbbing hour
of our first last love,
the ever-flowing fountain
of first blood and last pulses...
Did you think you could escape
the rupture in the dome of the sky?
R. R. Shea
interesting form ... i like the ripped red dress (would like even more to have been the ripper) ... first blood and last pulses very nice; the form of the opening verses prompt me actually to see the opening phrase as the ripped dress, and the succeeding phrase as the dress on the ground, I see the next phrase as the smiler and the next as the smiled upon--the gaps enable a pleasing ability to separate the concepts and visualization of that which they signify/evoke from one to the next ... which works and seems appropriate: the smile is one thing, the weakness another. The rupture in the dome evokes a sexual image, which seems fitting for this poem, but beyond the obvious I'm not sure ultimately what to think of its meaning(s). Fine work!
ReplyDeleteSir, wonderful critique! Thank you for taking the time. It means a lot to me.
ReplyDelete